When the idea first crawled into my brain, I was so overwhelmed and intimidated by it that I shrank away in pure grimy terror. Refusing to give up, I decided to grow worthy enough to tame that beast of an idea. So I prepared myself to be the ultimate thoughtform wrangler (I think the official title is "Showrunner" now). What I didn't realize was that the longer I waited to actually confront the creature, the more monstrous it became. So I studied cinematography, animation, design, motion graphics, 3D CGI, fine art, poetry, religion, marketing, narrative structure, and even learning theory. I thought I'd been preparing. It wasn't until I found myself completely managing another artist's career that I realized I had spent my life running away from my own unique creative spark. I had become a professional side-quester.
This refusal to face my true potential destroyed my life.
Not willing to face my life's creative ambition surrounded me with mountains of rationalizations and excuses. And when I turned around to confront my life's work, the built-up avalanche of bullshit fell right on top of me. I lost everything and everyone I cared about, smothered by my own lack of self-actualization. When the smoke cleared, the only thing that pulled me out of that wreckage was the neon-gleaming kaiju eyeball belonging to my precious Shine Fiend mythos.
I want this introductory entry to serve as a bookmark for me to revisit one fine day in the future. You know, for comparison's sake. Here I am, starting on this impossible journey to artistically reveal this crazy saga. Broke as fuck, living in a small room where I can't do a single jumping-jack for fear I'll smash my head into the ceiling, using technology that's ridiculously outdated for what I want to accomplish, and surrounded by people who constantly remind me that I'm a crushing disappointment.
The good news is that I finally feel like I'm sitting on top of a giant's shoulder and I'm pretty sure I can convince him to go wherever the hell I want.
(BGM: Close my Eyes by Night Tempo)